Thursday, March 27, 2008
Welcome to Stuff GGL Likes
So, a while ago, GGL and AS were discussing the website http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com. The website, which AS and BG agree is very funny, has recently become the darling of the Santa Monica Obama-voting, Prius-driving community and other similar communities across the nation. By this, we mean, at least Palo Alto and Brooklyn Heights. Apparently, however, GGL really dislikes stuffwhitepeoplelike (which may or may not be why BG and AS like it so much) because it is supposedly "reductive." We note that "reductive" and "funny" are not mutually exclusive categories. We naturally wondered, though, whether GGL would like a similar website that wasn't reductive, but rather was extremely individualized. Thus was born stuffggllikes.
#1 Prep School
GGL went to Andover Phillips Academy , better known as Andover
#2 Ted Baker Shirts
GGL often wears dress shirts that are, shall we say, a bit, well, unconventional. Think florescent pink patterned with alternating green and purple diagonal lines. His explanation? "It's a Ted Baker shirt." Of one particular such shirt, he told me that his wife had purchased it for him. When I asked her about it, she similarly replied, "It's a Ted Baker shirt." Fortunately, GGL now has a matching Ted Baker blazer. Ask him to show you the double pockets.
#3 Toyota Prius
No doubt about it, GGL likes his Toyota Prius. "The best car I've ever owned" is how I've heard him describe it. "You know, I'm just doing my part," he's also been known to say. I bet he's one of those Prius (or is it spelled Pious?) drivers who honks at and waves to other Prius drivers on the road. Let's get him one of those bumper stickers that says, "How many lives to the gallon do you get?"
#4 Making You Feel Bad About Not Going Outside
A conversation that actually happened (although I have taken some artistic liberties):
GGL: But what about the mystique? You know, living in the outdoors? Getting back to nature?
GGL: But the mystique? The great outdoors?
#5 The Wire
"Oh, The Wire. It's the best show on television," GGL reflexively exclaims whenever anyone mentions the show.
#7 Lawyers
GGL likes to talk about how being a lawyer is so conventional and to reflect on his halcyon days of acting, teaching, traveling, and learning martial arts. But we think he secretly loves the legal arts. I mean, it allows him to be a stickler for proper usage and to quiz us on synonyms for denigrate, fabricate, exaggerate, and other lawyerly verbs so that he may increase the number of words in his arsenal. GGL's vocabulary is like a WMD waiting to be unleashed on unsuspecting opposing counsel!
#8 Shoes With Tassels
One of GGL's most endearing traits is his love of tasseled shoes. Like Superman's cape, they outfit him for bouts of derring‑do in courtrooms across the state. Additional bonus: they remind us that he went to
#9 Salmon Pants
Perhaps even more than his Ted Baker shirts (see #2), GGL likes donning his salmon colored pants, yeah that's right, salmon. He says he does it "to get a reaction" from another attorney at the firm. But we know better. He does it because he thinks they make his eyes pop.
* Another thing that GGL likes: the subjunctive mood. Especially in French.
#10 "What Am I Doing, What Am I Doing, What Am I Doing?"
On most days, the first thing out of GGL's mouth when he gets into the office is "What am I doing," repeated three times --- always three times --- in quick succession. You can measure how busy and stressful GGL's day is going to be by the speed at which he says this phrase. He also likes to put his hands on his head and simulate pulling out his hair when saying these words.
#11 Singing
Those of us in the back of the office are often treated to songs from "Jazz Tunes by GGL." At various points during the day, GGL will burst into song without warning and for no apparent reason. But the back wing of the office isn't GGL's only audience. Don't forget that he once sang on Chinese television to millions of viewers. Has he ever told you that story?
#12 Hating Hedge Funds
We agree that there's not a lot to love about hedge funds. The guys with the slicked‑back hair, big watches, and Mercedes‑Benzes -- we don't share much in common with them, and we could do without them clogging up the line at the Ocean Cafe salad bar when they discuss the merits of buying box seats to the Dodgers. (Well, BG drives a Benz, but that's a story for another post, on another blog that pokes fun at him, not GGL.) But GGL is more horrified by them than most, mostly because, well, they make MONEY. And lots of it! It's enough to make him litigious. Another recreated and slightly abbreviated conversation that actually happened:
#13 Cold Brew Coffee
It is truly curious why GGL needs to ask himself "What am I doing, what am I doing, what am I doing" (see #10) when he gets into the office, because he knows that the first thing he's doing is running to the kitchen to make his cold brew coffee. He loves that stuff, I tell you. And he loves making it in that translucent green coffee mug.
#14 Nicknames
Miguel. Panky. Gumdrop. Holly Wholesome. Sweetie. Mom .
Although he enjoys giving people nicknames, GGL will readily admit that he is not as skilled as a former co-worker who had a similar penchant for nicknames.
Although he enjoys giving people nicknames, GGL will readily admit that he is not as skilled as a former co-worker who had a similar penchant for nicknames.
#15 Talking About Ex-Girlfriends
As a GGL co-worker once said after returning from maternity leave, "I know I'm back in the office when I hear GGL talking about his ex-girlfriends." GGL's response: "I've been fortunate to date some very impressive and accomplished women." Way to go GGL.
#16 Dofu, Not Tofu
GGL likes Asian food, especially tofu. But he gets really mad when other people pronounce it "tofu" (as it is, in fact, phonetically spelled in English). "It's pronounced 'dofu'" he insists.
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